green eggs and ham

I am in the throes of a new relationship. Scout and I have bonded. Every second that I am home he is by my side. He sleeps at my feet when I'm typing at the computer, follows me into the bathroom and settles himself on the floor while I brush my teeth. When I climb into bed he climbs in after me, looks into my eyes, sighs and licks my face before resting his head on my chest.

Today I worked at the Film Society, and found out Janet Staiger who wrote Perverse Spectators is on faculty at UT. I am so going to grad school. What do you want to bet I end up going here? Matt and I had a good conversation about Passion of the Christ, which came out on DVD today. Did you know it is the eighth highest grossing movie of all time? Oy. I found out there is an art gallery on Annie St. and I am so there on Saturday.

OH I have a real newsflash. My room is now cableized. Aaron is a god. We had to use another little TV since mine is stubborn, but we hooked it up and it works which means I now have HBO and John Stewart in my bedroom. And not only that he got that useless universal remote I picked up at Target to work.

On the east coast it is already September. Happy birthday Bec!

insurmountable

Mmm, I'm having trouble typing e's. I was lonely today. I went to work at Wes's and made copies of his tax returns, possibly ruining the paper order since the copier was...erratic, and those motherfuckers were not numbered . Also Maxim and Karen's taxes, which I was really careful with. I don't think I effed them up any. I talked to Jim in his office while I did some filing, about his grad school days and he and his wife's 57th anniversary, and I went on an Office Depot run. When I got back and started carrying stuff in, everyone was all concerned, did I need help? Wes told me now if you have to get copier paper don't carry it in yourself, grab one of the guys, don't hurt yourself. It's so cute, Cindy the party planner was also worried about us girls hurting ourselves by working.

I came home, had lunch, and went to the springs. I found the perfect tree to lie in leaning out over the creek and I stayed there the rest of the afternoon, reading and swimming and playing with other people's dogs. I lay in the sun by the sunken garden and broke up a fight. Two grown-ass men, mind you. One was beating on his dog and the other told him to stop it and dog-beater decided he wanted to beat up this nosy man instead. So they're cursing each other out, I mean the dog-beater was clearly crazy, but you know the saying when you see crazy coming cross the street? Dog sympathizer didn't want to get beat up but he didn't want to lose face either, so he's kind of backing away but still cursing the guy out, not wanting to be bullied. The guy started pushing him with some force and so potential-beatee yelled to me and asked me to call the cops. My phone was in the car but I decided things were looking serious so I walked over and positioned myself between them, all it's not necessary to call the cops, is it? You guys aren't going to fight, are you? Nothing like a girl in a bikini to shake things up. They tried to both tell me their sides and I wouldn't listen to either of them and finally dog sympathizer backed all the way to his car, with mr. crazy threatening him all the way, if I see you around town, blah blah blah. It made me think about The Uncoquerable World, that idea about the logic of war, how once the military system is in place nations can end up fighting just for war's sake, forgetting or forsaking political goals as though through the fighting something new is going to be produced, some new end. Dweebs. Also, I thought about witnessing. It's active, isn't it? Not passive. Observing in such a way that you prevent violent conflict. That's not really developed yet, just something to think about.

Anyway, like I was saying, I was really really lonely today, driving around crying in my car and shit. Missing people. Scared. I won't reach out to anyone around me, though, I'm a stubborn-ass girl. I'm determined, this time, to see what's going to surface when I wait this out.

everything starts

It's Saturday evening in Austin. I'm sitting at the table, looking at the dark outside, feeling the marble surface under my wrists. I was scared today, paying bills online, working out what my monthly costs are going to be and how much I'm going to be making. Scout is asleep at the foot of the table. It's time to stop being scared. I did it, and I can stop worrying that this move is not going to happen. It's done. And if I don't like it here, I can leave. I made this move for myself alone.

I don't know what this city is going to bring me so I'm going to stop trying to plan it out ahead of time. I got myself here, that was my task. We'll see what happens next.